Forwards

Don't send me forwards.

Probably, posting this won't have much of an effect on the people who do send them to me, since that list consists of about 4 people, and none of them care enough to read my blog. They just like having my name on their lists so they can forward me badly-spelled emails about puppies dying and IT'S ALL MY FAULT THEY ARE IF I DON'T FORWARD THIS. The four people...

-One of my little sister's obnoxious, wapanese, butt-licking Naruto fantard-friends who got my email address in some nefarious, fantard way. Maybe she used her curse mark or mad kung-fu skills or whateverthehell they use in Naruto.

-One is some girl I knew in third grade and somehow thinks I'm her best friend, despite the fact that the last time I actually saw her in person was in 2004. She also can't seem to get it through her pointy little head that if someone still doesn't pick up the phone the 38th time you've called them in the last two hours, they probably don't want to talk to you.

-One is someone I met at a CCAD class. I don't personally hold the forward thing against her, since she doesn't pass the really annoying ones. She just passes multiple ones OVER AND OVER again involving KAWAII DESUUUUUUUU puppies and kittens and crippled six-year olds with leukimia, polio, and severe peanut allergies who I will somehow be helping by annoying all three of the people on my contact list with them.
Oh, and one time, she passed me one with a smarmy animation of one of Santa's elves.
Mooning me.
The pinnacle of holiday taste, to be sure.

-The fourth is someone with whom I'd rather not be associated, but who somehow obtained my email address anyway. Weird how that happens. Anyway, she appears to believe all that crap about "hay gais if u dont pass this mssage on in 7 min. u will become ugly and haeted and never find luv and a bird will poo on ur head to."
I think it's funny how these messages are always, without exception, badly spelled and/or badly punctuated. And somehow, some people still buy them.
Irony, I adore thee.
This particular person also enjoys creepily stalking college kids she met at OMGBIBLECAMPPLZ last summer, and sees the shows Lost and Heroes for the deftly plotted masterpieces that they so obviously are.

Forwards are not worth reading. Do not send me forwards. If I get sent one, it had better be relevant, or it had better be really damn funny. If those "u will be ugly and haeted if u don't annoy everyone u know with this emial" things really worked, by now I would be bald, ugly, afflicted with obscenely bad luck, and completely friendless.
Oh yeah, and a cement truck would have run me over, too.
It's annoying. All I read is "Hi! Here's a faceful of coercion! You had better threaten ten more people with it or Something Bad will happen to you!!!11one kthxlolz!".

Really, if I get one more email involving somebody complaining because while they were asleep, EVIL PLASTIC SURGEONS came and stole their thighs and buttocks, replacing them with disgusting ones "the texture of oatmeal"; and then complaining more because they thought they recognized their ass on Pamela Anderson, I am going to bang my head into the wall until I concuss myself.